The Infamous Hard Alley

The Infamous Hard Alley
Second Life's Original Sin

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Mayor of Hard Alley

This month we held elections to determine who would be the first Mayor of Hard Alley.  Interest in it was much higher than I thought, with over a dozen candidates in the running, although the field dropped to 10 by election day.  We had candidates who were long time Alley residents as well as people from all over SL and some who had never been to Hard Alley.

The 2 week long campaign period was full of cheating, dirty tricks, lies, bribes, and sexual scandal.  Promises were made that will never be kept, assasination attempts on candidates were made, and a good time was had by all.  During this time, City Hall was constructed near the Reform School (good source of interns!).

Election day itself was more of the same, with bimbo cheerleaders offering blow jobs in return for votes for thier candidate, candidates bribing voters, and other candidates cheating and attempting to trick the voters into voting for them.  After 24 hours and several sim resets, the voting booth was closed and nearly 350 votes had been cast.  The winner was Takashi Alexseev of the Tea Baggers Party.

Taka was sworn in yesterday in a public ceremony.  The following is a transcript of the ceremony and Taka's innaugural address:

Hard Rust: Friends... Perverts... Bitches... Welcome to the official innauguration ceremony for the newly elected Mayor of Hard Alley, Takashi Alexseev.

Takashi Alexseev is a long-time Alley resident with a history or sexual perversion and indecent behavior.

He can frequently be found cross-dressing or sexually abusing his fellow dancers at the Hard Core Sex and Strip Club.

Takashi ran a fine campaign for Mayor that began with cheating and culminated in trading sexual favors for votes.

Takashi, please approach the podium...

Raise your right hand and place your left hand on your crotch and repeat after me: (copy and paste)

Hard Rust: I, Takashi Alexseev...

Takashi Alexseev: I, Takashi Alexseev...

Hard Rust: Do solomnly swear to uphold the lack of law in Hard Alley...

Takashi Alexseev: Do solomnly swear to uphold the lack of law in Hard Alley...

Hard Rust: To promote vice, greed, and corruption whenever I am not fucking interns...

Takashi Alexseev: To promote vice, greed, and corruption whenever I am not fucking interns...

Hard Rust: To accept any bribes and all forms of graft...

Takashi Alexseev: To accept any bribes and all forms of graft...

Hard Rust: To abuse my authority and subject the citizens of Hard Alley to perverse sexual deviations...

Takashi Alexseev: To abuse my authority and subject the citizens of Hard Alley to perverse sexual deviations...

Hard Rust: And to set an example for others to follow by indulging in sins of the flesh and drunken debauchery at all times.

Takashi Alexseev: And to set an example for others to follow by indulging in sins of the flesh and drunken debauchery at all times.

Hard Rust: So Help Me Lag.

Takashi Alexseev: So Help Me Lag.
Hard Rust: Congratulations, Mayor Takashi Alexseev!

Takashi Alekseev: My fellow deviants,

As your newly elected official, I intend to make Hard Alley the epitome of filth, debauchery, and hedonism. As amazing as it is now, from the darkest sewer to that luxurious office in the sky (which happens to be mine), there is still much work to be done.

Residents should be free to satisfy their basest, darkest need because we are here for you. Be secure in the knowledge that I will interruptus my coitus at any moment to hear your concerns. As painful as that may sound, I want to stress that I will place your needs above my own. That is the Teabagger's credo.

Your voices have been heard at the ballot box. I ask that your voices be heard again throughout this sim. Express that lust inside you, feel no shame, and infect others with it.

Ask not who is going to screw you, but who will you screw today!

Thank you, Hard Alley!


After the ceremony, the new Mayor After the ceremony, the new Mayor
was attacked by an assassin dressed in a Spider-Man costume, and a revolt was lead in a failed coup attempt. When the dust had settled, the fearless Mayor was no where to be found. He had run away and was in hiding. It took a huge party at Hard Core to draw him back out.  Drinks were on the house and hookers were on the payroll as the night turned into one of sex and depravity.